How I got to where I am now (ex JW testimony) Part One

"I take a deep breath as I step into the supermarket aisle. I can feel eyes boaring into the back of my head as I continue to walk down what is starting to feel like the green mile. My (now ex) husband Richard puts a hand on my shoulder as I come to a standstill in the middle of the aisle and gives it a little squeeze. “Don’t worry about them hun” he whispered to me as my former friends walked past me, “they aren’t worth it, you are better than them”. I knew that it would be hard but never this hard!

I pushed my trolley past my “once” close friends and ex- spiritual brothers and sisters and stole a quick glance at the woman who I had referred to as “my spiritual mammy” in that I had studied the bible with her and her husband. They had taken me under their wing when I had first started going to the kingdom hall of Jehovah’s witnesses. Now I was worthless in their eyes.

She shot me a look of disgust, looked at the floor and walked past in silence. My son tried to say hello but it was like talking to a brick wall- it was as if I did not exist. I was a common criminal and my entire family were guilty by association.

My crime? I had decided to leave the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society (also known as the Jehovah’s witnesses) and as a result was being ‘shunned’ by everyone still part of the organisation. I as known as an apostate and a known dissenter because I had chosen to question the authority of the governing body (a group of 8 men who claim to be the channel for God- see later chapter on governing body).

When a person leaves (by disassociation) or is expelled (called disfellowshipping) then the rest of the witnesses will not associate with them anymore. If an active member even acknowledges my existence, let alone gives me eye contact or tries to talk to me then they will be disfellowshipped and also be shunned by the rest of the congregation.

This would even involve family: parents shunning children and vice versa. It seems to go further than this though. For example, when I came across my former friends in the supermarket they gave me a dirty look of disapproval, then put their heads down and walked straight past me.

It made me wonder if everyone I had considered friends, had truly been my friends, or whether their friendship was just conditional.

I am one of thousands of people who have experience of being shunned; so many in fact, that groups have been established on social media to offer support when they leave or are considering leaving what has been deemed by some individuals as a ‘cult’ and will have to face this unchristian practice of shunning.

I am one of the fortunate ones- I was the only one in my family who was part of the organisation (Richards gran had died by this point) so I just lost friends. There are people out there who are 3rd and 4th generation witnesses so when they decide to leave they lose their ENTIRE family as well as their friends. This fear of losing loved ones keeps people from leaving as a sort of emotional blackmail."

This is the introduction to a book I am writing about the Jehovah's Witnesses and my experience with the cult. Please note I am changing the names of the Jehovah's witnesses involved because I honestly feel like they are being misled and as a result feel pity for them.

My story is not exactly remarkable, however the more people who share their story, hopefully people will become more aware and feel more comfortable sharing their own story.

In total I was with the Jehovah’s witnesses for a total of 5 years. You generally come to the organisation in two ways: you are either ‘born in’ (your parents or family already being a witness and as a result bringing you up as a witness) or ‘recruited’ either by a family member or friend who has just joined, by a witness knocking on your door, or at a witnessing cart in your local town.

Before I was ‘recruited’, I had ‘been around the houses’ when it came to religion. Allow me to elaborate. I was born into a church of england family who weren’t particularly religious but at a young age I was interested in attending church. At the age of 9 I started to attend St Helen’s church and became a part of the church choir.

As with all things, during my teens I became a ‘goth’ and rebelled against the system. We moved away from our local church so I spent my time hanging around with the other kids at Old Eldon Square, known locally as the ‘hippy green’. I attended a Roman Catholic all girls school and had religion rammed down my throat. I used to take great pleasure in the fact that my RE teacher used to tell me I was going to hell. At that age I loved anything I could rebel against so as a result I came across the path of Wicca and witchcraft. Like most goth teenagers I thought it was the cool thing to do, and the fact that my parents disapproved just made it even more attractive.

Even back then I knew that I was missing something. I bumped into an old school friend one day and decided to go along to her church. It was an evangelical pentecostal church and I loved the rock n roll type service but I found it far too intense, especially when they started speaking in tongues and healing people. I quickly distanced myself from it all and left religion alone for the time being. During this time I met my now ex husband Richard and we moved in together.

After a few years of searching for a church I felt comfortable in, I decided to try and go back to the church of england but the vicar and I did not really see eye to eye. I have always said that a person cannot claim to follow a faith if they do not know what their own holy book says. So a Christian cannot claim to be a christian without knowing what the Bible had to say. I was full of questions and the vicar saw me as a nuisance. I wanted to explore my faith and as far as the vicar was concerned she had done her sermon on a sunday, why would I want to know more? Questioning things was a sign of weak faith apparently.

I would go with Richard to his gran’s house and one day I was having a rant about the church when she said “I can teach you the Bible”. I scoffed, knowing she was a Jehovah’s witness but she then showed me the word “Jehovah” in the King James Bible at Psalm 83:18 and my mind was blown. I still didn’t think she would be able to teach me the bible because I knew nothing about the witnesses and didn’t realise how knowledgeable they were about the bible. Obviously now I know the knowledge is miscontrued but I was impressed by it all.

I would ring her and ask her questions and be on the phone for hours trying to prove her wrong and she gave me a book to read called “what does the bible really teach?”. The more I tried to disprove it, it was like I was proving it to myself. I would check up all of the scriptures and try to pick holes in each argument but it was as if they had every angle covered.

After a while, I decided to go to the kingdom hall. Richards gran didn’t live near us so I turned up at my local kingdom hall an hour early (there was no sign to say times of meetings etc) wearing a vest top with a band logo on it, a pair of jeans, my New rock goth boots and black leather trench coat. I was scared of the reception I would receive because my mind kept going back to a few years previous. Back then my dad was dying and I was in the middle of Newcastle when I wanted to go into a church to say a prayer for him. It was a hot day so I had a vest top on. I am covered in tattoos and when I was kneeling in one of the pews I was touched on the shoulder and a woman coughed. I stood up and stared at the woman who was looking at me with disgust. She said “Excuse you, could you please leave? We don't like your sort here!”. I continued to stare in disbelief then said “Is that what Jesus would have done?!” and stormed out.

The kingdom hall was completely different however, I was received with such love and kindness I was put completely at ease. It sometimes seemed a little but over the top but I had a history of eating disorders and abusive relationships so it was nice to go somewhere where I was welcomed and they did not seem bothered by the Goth asthetic (as first anyway).

I was having a regular study by this point and over the years we moved to Gateshead where I had made a lot of good friends, married Richard and we had our son Jake. We lost Richard's gran when Jake was only 6 months old and I had just been cleared to go out on the ministry (it is called being an unbaptized publisher- before you are baptised) so Karla “My spiritual mammy” took over my bible study.

I had honestly thought I had found "The truth" (The Jehovah's witnesses refer to themselves as being in "the truth") and was dying to tell people.

I was baptized as a Jehovah's witness in front of 6,000 people in the Metro Radio arena at the regional convention of Jehovah's Witnesses in 2014. After baptism it all changed.

Basically after you are baptized you are no longer love bombed, you are expected to follow all rules and requirements without question and they started to isolate me from my friends and family because they "weren't in the truth".

If you face fits and you fit into a clique then your life will be wonderful, you will have your family, friends, all believing the same as you do. If you are in there my yourself as I was, then it becomes more difficult. I had a non believing husband, non of my friends outside the kingdom hall were witnesses and Richards gran had died so I was the only one.

Over the 5 years I was in the witnesses I was told not to tell my husband about anything I saw wrong with the congregation because it would put him off. I started to notice cracks appearing. The elders would try to say that they weren't perfect but it was still expected to put the on a pedestal. When they say something that doesn't sound very Christian. That's when the cogs started turning in my brain.

One of the draws of the Jehovah's witnesses is that they show 'Christian hospitality' and look after their followers. If you are in one of the cliques it's amazing, if you are on the outside of the penguin huddle? Not so much.

Tommy and Edith were a wonderful couple although not in the clique. Edith became too poorly to come to the meetings. There were 2 meetings a week, both 2 hours long. These meetings are mandatory. The JWs would often quote Hebrews 10: 24,25 which says:

(Hebrews 10:24-25 New International Version)

"24 And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, 25 not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching."

Poor Tommy was left at home looking after her and received no help from the congregation. The longer you are away, the more they forget about you. Edith died and I went to the funeral. When I attended the funeral, the whole congregation turned up and I heard them saying "What a lovely woman, what a great example for those in the truth". I just looked around and thought "you hypocrites! You were not there for her when she was alive!". In their defence, one or two would sometimes pop in to check on her occasionally but not for meetings.

In contrast, a similar couple called Bobby and Cora had the same issue, although they were in the clique. The congregation made a rota so that 2 sisters would sit with Cora so Bobby could get to the meetings. It was a nice thing to do but why not do the same thing for Tommy and Edith?

I am going to leave it there because this is a long story but I shall be publishing part 2 soon. I hope that this post not only helps others escape from the Jehovah's witnesses but also encourages those who love Christ to keep in the faith.

May the Lord Jesus bless you and your family

Vicky

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