How to find the right church for you and your family

It is always daunting when you first become a Christian. I remember thinking that people would not accept me for me, and instead would judge the proverbial book by it's cover. I had experienced people judging me in the past so I admit I was quite worried about coming before God in a church setting.

I am in a peculiar situation with regards to church because I have 5 churches that I hold close to me as they all satisfy my different needs. Allow me to explain...

My first church was St Helens church which is a "high Anglican church" in the church of England (a high church is very formal and as someone described it to me once 'a stone throw away from Catholicism'). I cannot get there on a weekly basis due to the distance, but it is a sister church to St Chads, which is my second church.

St Chads church is also classed as a high Anglican church, and my mother is actually church warden there. The Vicar there before she retired was the most down to earth woman I've ever known, she never judged people, was very approachable and would answer any question that was thrown at her. This was exactly what I needed, someone who would allow me to question the basics and theology of Christianity. It mainly has an Iranian congregation now, and as a result they read the bible readings and the sermon in both english and farsi. It's amazing to see the revival taking place amongst the Iranian community.

St chads often team up with the other local churches to do a joint easter service- the methodist church and the catholic church will all take part and all members of the clergy take a part in the service. This would have been the best church for me to be at if I had not have decided to have children. There are no children in the congregation at St Chads so no sunday school etc. Both of my children have autism (as do i) and they cant stand the organ being played due to sensory issues. As a result I tried to find another church that had Kids church and experience of dealing with children with autism.

Enter St Georges Church. They were family orientated, a low church of the church of england (informal, vicar doesn't wear robes, worship songs are played with a band rather than hymns and an organ and a bit more "happy clappy" as i've heard people describe them), and the vicar has a son with autism so I knew I was in a good place.

The children love going to St Georges church and going to kids church. It is like having a family when you go to the church. They are amazing.

Only problem we had is that I share joint custody of my children with my ex husband and he started getting a Sunday off work so he had the children then. When my partner Spike and I don't have the children we stay with his grandad to look after him and its no where near where I live. As a result we could not go to St Georges anymore. At times we can still go if my ex husband is called into work and we have the children.

We found Christ Church in Shieldfield because it was the local church to where Spikes grandad lived and we are friends with someone who goes there already. It is another very high church and has a very small congregation. Its a lovely church but due to our constant moving between the houses we cant attend any of the social gatherings they were doing.

Our final church is Destiny church near byker. They were so welcoming and have been amazing with us. We dont have the children when we go but there is a kids church there. With me having fibromyalgia I have to conserve my energy alot of the time so I was pleased to know that they streamed their services and daily prayers. It meant that i could still take part in the service and pray with the congregation form the comfort of my home when i couldnt get there in person. They are a non denominational church (which means that they arent part of a formal religion like church of england or catholic etc) and very informal.

Basically the point of this annecdote is to tell you that as times change your needs might change.

Here are some questions to think about when looking for a church near you:

1. Who will be coming to church with you? Are their needs taken care of?

If you are a mother like me, then you know that you need to make sure your children are enjoying church as much as you are. Try and find a church that caters to all of your families needs. If you have a disabled relative going to church with you, are their needs taken care of? Is the church accessible for a wheelchair or buggy? Is there a quiet space so someone who is overloaded with sensory issues go to decompress during the service? How loud is the music played? Is it too loud for children? Is it too quiet for an older person who has bad hearing? Also the length of the service should be taken into consideration. Can everyone in your family sit or stand for the amount of time that is needed?

2. What does that church believe?

A basic google search of the church will often bring up the church's website and that will give you an insight into what sort of church it is. You need to find a church that is fitting with your beliefs. Is it liberal or conservative? Is it a high church or a low church? Are the services formal or informal? Are they fundamental Christians that take every word in the bible literally or do they translate the bible more literally? Do they sing hymns or have a band play worship songs?

3. What sort of activities do the church offer to the congregation?

Is there a kids church or Sunday school? Is there a womens institute (WI) group, a prayer group, or a home study group? Is there a mens club or a womens club? Churches often differ in what they offer based on funding and the needs of the congregation. St Chads is an example of this. Since there are no children in the congregation there is no need for a sunday school or kids church, however, due to the large iranian congregation, the church offers a farsi bible study to help those coming to christ for the first time.

4. Does the church do any outreach or charity work?

Almost every church out there will do outreach work of some kind. At st georges church they make shoe boxes to give to new mothers in the hospitals, st chads and st helens church give to the food bank and have the st chads community project that helps families in need and runs community events. Christ church helps a charity called helping hands and help with a volunteer ran cafe, destiny church have a charity called streetworks where they help the homeless and those on the streets. It is always good to do your research when looking for a new church.

5. Does the church stream their services online?

Last year with lockdown and covid, alot of churches started streaming their services so those people who couldnt get there. It is a valuable service for people like me who can't always make it to church. It's nice to be able to take part in the service from home.

Other things to look for are self explanatory like: the location of the church (can you get public transport on a sunday morning to it if it is a fair distance away?) , What sort of atmosphere do you feel when you walk into the building? How have you been treated since you started going to the church?

Going to church should feel like an exciting experience, not a burden and just going through the motions. If you don't get excited about going to church and feeling the love with your church family, maybe its time to find another church that better suits you. There is literally a church out there for everyone's needs.

If you cant find a physical church to go to, why not look online and participate in online services? If you are wanting something a bit more 'metal' or 'goth' there is actually an online church for that who stream their services on facebook. According to a blog post by eden.co.uk:

"A Goth Eucharist?

That’s right. There was a successful Goth Eucharist in Cambridge for a number of years, sety up by ‘Goth Priest’ Marcus Ramshaw, in 2011 the Goth Eucharist became ‘On the Edge’ a bi-weekly service which continued the Goth Eucharist’s tradition of using secular music by Goth musicians and other artists and tackling ‘dark’ subject matter.

There have also been Goth Eucharists at Greenbelt, and Coventry Cathedral have pioneered a successful Goth Fresh Expression of church, which has managed to reach out to a local community of Goths and other disenfranchised young people. "

(taken from Does God like Goths? (eden.co.uk) )

So there really IS a church out there for everyone! What sort of things do you look for in a church? Please let me know in the comments below or fill in the contact form. If you want me to cover something in particular in this blog then send me a message.

Have a blessed day!

Vicky

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